Just breathe!

It's been a rough couple of weeks on the parenting-a-child-with-ASD-front. We're the second week into Term 3 and it always seems to take Amy a week or two to resettle after the hols. She's done remarkably well at Kindy, however. It's just when she gets home that the wheels start to fall off!

Everything seems to be connected - eating, sleeping, and toileting on how compliant or non-compliant she is. She's been constipated, not eating all her meals and has been quite unsettled at night. She's been exhausted. She has had a cold for quite a few days now and the sick factor only adds fuel to the fire.

Basically I feel as if I have been living with an addict who causes havoc in the home with mood swings, oppositional behaviour, aggression and an unsettled disposition! Thankfully I have the mornings during school term to myself so I can re-energise. All Mums should have time-outs but those with children with special needs - especially so.

I love my daughter so very much but when she's in one of her "phases" - of being like a four year old drug-addict; I just feel so beaten, exhausted, frustrated and trapped! I am always relieved on these days when I hear the sound of a bike scrunching the gravel on our driveway when my husband gets home at 4.35pm!

Amy's teacher's aide has been teaching her to breathe when she gets stressed at Kindy. I only know this because Amy proceeded to take deep breaths the other day when she was "having a moment" at home. I need to do the same! There is no use getting wound up with a child on the spectrum who is in the crux of her behaviours. Easier said than done, sometimes.

Last night I was sorting through some old boxes in the garage and I found something I wrote when I was working with special needs kids in a children's camp in the USA: "Never take the behaviour personally." Hmmm, very insightful for a twenty-six year old non-Mum, I thought!

Other Mums out there often remark how patient I seem to be with Amy. I don't know, I am no saint. I lose my rag like any parent. For the most part I think Amy and I have a good mother-daughter relationship. Even though the last week or so has been filled with many challenges, nothing beats having my girl wrap her arms around me and ask me for a cuddle.

Back to Kindy!

Although the school holidays were a success as far as living with an ASD preschooler goes; it is still great to be back into the swing of things now she's back at Kindy.

I have to admit, I prefer a routine myself. I'm such a Virgo in that respect - I like to plan my week out on a Sunday (if not earlier!) - penciling in visits to the gym, appointments and coffee dates with friends (while Amy is at Kindy).

I think many of us like to know where we are at day to day, week to week. Yet I managed to wing-it these holidays with Amy - often not planning our day til around 9am. Except for a couple of prearranged playdates, I pretty much just decided on the day what we would do. So long as Amy knew we were doing something, or going somewhere ; she seemed to be happy.

There were a couple of meltdowns in the first week. I think it took Amy a week to get into the swing of a more relaxed schedule ie: no racing out the door before nine every morning! But by the second week she was going with the flow.

Personally I quite enjoyed the school holidays. Amy had just had her first term at morning Kindy so it was nice to spend some days together. We had a couple of mother-daughter outings to the mall, and out to lunch. She had several playdates and we spent the better part of a day hanging out with some friends of mine who live by the sea.

Amy is pretty rapt to be back at Kindy this week. One of her good friends started morning Kindy this week and although they haven't been inseparable; they certainly have their moments when they sit close together on the mat or walk around holding hands together.

This term Amy is doing RDA (Riding For The Disabled) again as well as gymnastics. I took her to a school holiday gymnastics session in the holidays and she loved it so much, I thought I'd re-enrol her (she did a couple of terms last year). She has high energy and gymnastics certainly provides her with an excellent physical outlet.

Today was Amy's second IP (Individual Planning) session. Special education, the Head teacher at Kindy, Child Development Services, her teachers aide and myself were present. Things have been looking very positive for Amy lately. Her first term at morning Kindy went so well and she's started off this term on a good note too. The focus this term will be on communication and group play - encouraging social engagement at Kindy. At the moment Amy joins in with kids outside when they are climbing or playing on the slide, or will play Go Fish with a small group of children, but she's a little unsure of how to strike up a conversation with other children at Kindy. The idea is to use the teachers and her teachers aide as meditators as often Amy will start a conversation with something that is completely out of context and the other kids don't know how to respond.

All in all she is doing so well. Today at her IP meeting we were talking about her starting school next year. As she has a late March birthday, it looks like she'll be starting school Term 2, which starts after easter - in April. So she only has three terms left at Morning Kindy! (including her current one).

My feeling is Amy probably will be ready to go to school at the age of five since she is so keen to learn. She is very interested in spelling, adding, and even multiplication at this point!

Term Two '09

Tomorrow will be Amy's last day at Morning Kindy for Term 2. It was her first term at Morning Kindy and she has come a long, long way. She started the term off with an ESW - a teacher's aide who comes in for two hours a session. Having someone at her side, assisting her socially and with her basic needs (eating, toileting) has boosted Amy's confidence at Kindy. For the first few weeks it was agreed by the Kindy teachers, special education, and myself that it would be best if Amy's Kindy sessions finished when tidy-up time began. This is because tidy-up time seemed to be the time of day when she'd lose it at afternoon Kindy.

This meant Amy typically left Kindy at 11.45am for the first couple of months, just as the tidy-up bell was sounded. Amy's first few weeks at Morning Kindy were pretty exhausting for her. She would come home absolutely depleted and would just zone out for the afternoon. Going away up North to visit family in the second week of this term only threw Amy off even more. We basically had to start all over again when we got back from holiday.

She only had one week in which she resisted going to Kindy. However, Amy did start to settle into her new routine a month or so into the term. When she started talking about Kindy at home, I knew that she was settled. Facepainting has been the interest that has motivated her to go to Kindy everyday. Even some nights before Kindy Amy has indicated which character she wanted to be the following day - anything ranging from My Little Pony to Spot.

When a Pirate Day took place in which all the Morning Kindy kids went for a walk to the local playground and then for "pirate food" (ie: hot chips!) at a local cafe, Amy resisted joining the crowd and went as a blue whale. She was adamant that her face was painted blue that morning at Kindy before we all headed out - she did not want to be mistaken for a pirate!

Over the last couple of weeks I've started stretching out Amy's sessions at Kindy so she stays for tidy-up time and then lunch. This has gone really well. Amy has grasped the concept of tidy-up time and walks around Kindy exclaiming "tidy-up time!!" when the bell is rung. Lunch on a sunny day is out on the deck, and is inside on the mat on a cold or wet day. Of course living in Nelson the sunny days outweigh the unpleasant ones, even in Winter, so Amy has enjoyed munching on a bit of lunch outside with the other kids and then having an extra play outside before the hometime bell is rung. She's not so keen to hang around so much when lunch is indoors. Next term I will wean myself out of the lunches as obviously I want to know that she'll be fine when she goes to school and is eating with her peers. I will look into possibly pairing her up with another child/children at Morning Kindy for her lunchbreaks.

It has been interesting observing Amy's little Kindy friendships developing. There still appears to be a lot of parallel play going on Amy's end yet I have witnessed her engaging in conversation here and there. Unfortunately not all the Kindy kids are tuned into her speech and so sometimes her attempts at connecting with others are overlooked. Amy has joined in games such as "Go Fish" and has clearly learnt a lot about turn-taking and gained some valuable social skills such as using others names when playing with them.

Only once all term did I see her try to push a boy out of her way. This is huge progress as at the end of Term Two Amy was on a pushing rampage at afternoon Kindy. Outside of Kindy Amy barks when she wants some space or wants to socialise with others and isn't sure how to and I have seen her do that a couple of times at Kindy. It's subtle and could easily be seen as Amy just role-playing.

This term Amy started going to Riding For The Disabled (RDA). She has been going on Mondays at 1pm for half hour sessions. Amy's been allocated a horse called Cherry and really enjoys her time at RDA. She is led by two volunteers around an arena and every week does something different. She's had to collect objects off the surrounding fence in the arena, put hoops on cones, ride backwards, and learn some basic commands such as "Ride on, Cherry." Her confidence has grown in the few short sessions she's been (we missed a couple of Mondays because of being away, public holidays and bad weather). I think it's very complementary to Kindy - going riding on her own once a week, out in the country after being with forty children in a classroom.

Amy's teacher's aide has kindly lent us a mini tramp which has been great. Amy bounces on it several times a day and it's just such a good thing to have when she's in one of her antsy moods.

All in all, this term has been a fantastic one for Amy. A big thank-you has to go out to all the Kindy teachers, her teachers aide and special education for building on her strengths and weaknesses at Kindy. She's come a long way. I started off this term feeling a little anxious but now know that I can leave her at Kindy for three hours and she is just fine. The RDA volunteers are also very skilled at working with children with special needs. Next term I am thinking of adding gymnastics to the mix and/or incorporating soccer as Amy has expressed an interest in it.